This is just an informal collection of some quotes that I have collected -- mostly humorous. They're given here in no particular order. They are also all from secondary sources and so this collection is not authoritative.

I've also included quote-like items for various sources like bumper stickers, email tag-lines, and buttons.

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"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." - W. Edwards Deming

"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." -- Steve Wozniak

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila." -- Mitch Radcliffe

"The proper time to influence the character of a child is about a hundred years before he is born." -- William Ralph Inge

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." -- Robert Frost.

"I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it short." -- Blaise Pascal

"It's been a long time since we've worn feathers." -- Mexican President Portillo

"We've already tried ignorance, so we know that it doesn't work!" -- Governor of Mississippi explaining why he was campaigning so hard for education reform in his state

(quoted from memory from a radio newscast circa 1990, give or take half a decade)

"The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the Tree of Knowledge. The subtext is, All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your f***ing mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions." -- Frank Zappa

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Bumper Stickers

Line Dancing: what happens when cousins breed.

Militant Agnostic: I don't know ... and neither do you!

Friends do not let friends vote Republican.

(I was approaching a car from behind and I noticed it had two bumper stickers. The one was obviously liberal, but the other said in big letters: "Vote Republican". I assumed that it must have been a his/hers compromise, until I got close enough to see the smaller letters start off "Friends to not let friends ... ". And now you know the rest of the story.)

Commit random acts of kindness and senseless beauty.

If we were meant to be vegetarians, then why did God make animals out of food?

I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving.

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Tag Lines

REALITY.SYS corrupted -- reboot Universe [Y,n]?
(Take-off on the DOS equivalent of the Blue Screen of Death.)

"Those who do not learn the lessons of science fiction are condemned to live them."

Instead of asking why a piece of software is using "1970s technology," start asking why software is ignoring 30 years of accumulated wisdom.

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Pray for me. I'm Irish by marriage.
(My then-wife immediately bought this one!)

Frodo gave his finger for you.

(Late-60's button. Obvious play on a then-common fundamentalist proselytizing pitch. Gotta find it again before the next movie.)

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A computer's attention span is no longer than its power cord.

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First uploaded on 2002 June 29.
Updated on 2011 July 08.